Being that this is my first post on the RealCollegeTour blog, I just wanted to establish how prophetic I am. No biggie, here are my predictions for next year.

10. In light of the Twilight craze, Miller Brewing Co. will attempt to capitalize on the phenomenon with a new beer: Twilite

9. With the U.S. racking up its debt substantially, the government will turn to sponsors to get them through the financial crisis. For the next five years the U.S. will be known as “The United States of America sponsored by Pepsi: Capitalism has never been this refreshing.”

8. Kim Jong-Il will poke Barack Obama on facebook. Barack in turn will nuke him via facebook. Kim Jong-Il’s response, “Dude wtf n00b. I’m unfriending you.”

7. NASA will craft an expensive and daring mission to Mars costing taxpayers billions of dollars. Upon stepping foot on the Martian surface, Sarah Palin will say, “I just wanted to thank you for believing that I was the most qualified person to do this.” NASA will respond, “No, we just wanted to get you off earth, that’s all.”

6. The Afghanistan War will come to an end with a peaceful resolution when the United States hands the Taliban its Holographic Charizard Pokemon Card. Barack Obama will be quoted as saying, “This better be worth it.”

5. Ramen Noodles will be forced to put a surgeon general’s warning on their labels stating, “If you are a not a college student or a struggling artist you will die a horrible death from eating this.”

4. Jay Leno’s chin will secede from his face causing an all out civil war between him and his chin. Eventually, Jay Leno will prevail letting the chin come back to the Union peacefully.

3. Michael Bay will finally make the movie that he has been working on for twenty years. The title? “Explosions in Slow Motion with Hot Chicks” The movie will be an adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book.

2. R2D2 and H1N1 will finally tie the knot after years of courtship. The following is an excerpt from R2D2’s vows, “Beep Bop Beep Boop.”

1. Nickelback will break up spawning the most expensive recovery effort in history.

I am so not morally above being judgmental. If I was, I would have had no excuse to openly mock the fans that came about after the release of Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” series. No, I didn’t know who this Edward guy was, but I had no reservations when it came to labeling the college aged Edward Cullen obsessers as a pack of idiots.

Now, I didn’t read the books because I didn’t want anyone to confuse me for one of these girls when they saw me wielding a Ms. Meyer novel around campus. And because I’m not 14. And because I’m lazy. And because it’s a hell of a lot easier to wait for the movie. A couple weeks after the first movie came out, I secretly watched it. Seeing it armed me with enough ammo to keep up the mocking until “New Moon,” which, as I’m SURE you’re aware, comes out this week. The first movie was fabulous…for making fun of. I mean, REALLY. The vampire baseball game? The sparkle skin? The painfully awkward scenes of silent eye contact? The high speed piggy-back ride? Someone on set HAD to have been laughing, or at least battling a smirk.

Far too many 20-somethings are lining up for the “New Moon” midnight show. It’s a preteen tale, plain and simple. Did I mention the glittery skin thing yet? This is like My Little Pony stuff.

But to be truly honest, I didn’t hate the first flick. I hate myself for that. I can easily see it’s faults, but I have a hard time completely despising it. Much like a sappy pop ballad or those anti-animal abuse commercials, all it takes is a corny, sentimental premise and, BAM, you got yourself an audience of tearful young women (not to underline the stereotype of overly emotional females; I feel I can speak for women being that I am one).

I don’t care if Edward was a donkey-armadillo hybrid with a squirrel tail, given the storyline, the ladies are going to fall for him. I’m not exempt; I’m by no means immune to a love tale.

No, I’m not going to adorn my facebook statuses with a countdown to “New Moon,” <3s, and lines about how I long to be Mrs. Cullen (there is still no excusing that). I’m healthily aware that I, like many, have a small weakness for love stories. But with all that being said, it’s safe to say that I’ll probably end up with a ticket to “New Moon.”

See you there.