Just added Miami University – Oxford to the website. This guide is seriously awesome. The info in this college guide is juicier than yesterday’s turkey. Seriously.

Don’t believe me? Read some of the “RAW & UNCENSORED EXCERPTS!” Like, wow. RealCollegeTour.com is TRULY the home of uncensored college info…. If you don’t want to get assaulted by some scumbag frat boy, you should read this guide. We actually NAME which frat at Miami University is known to roofie girls…and guys.

It’s Thanksgiving break (!), and for many, it’s the first time you’ve been home since the summer. It’s also the first time since the first half of the year you’ve seen your unnecessarily chatty, estranged relatives. The difference this time isn’t that you’ll be huddled around the turkey passing stuffing and suffering tripto-comas; the difference this time is that you’re a college student. This means NO ONE is going to shut up about school. Get prepared to be repeatedly assailed with the age old question:

HOW’S SCHOOL?

Reasons I hate this question: 1. It’s strictly obligatory and nobody actually cares. 2. How exactly do you go about answering that? Um, it’s good? 3. After the third time it’s asked, I’m ready to embark on a serial gut-jabbing spree. 4. Relatives, I don’t want to talk to you.

This coming Turkey Day will be my second since enrolling in college. This being said, I know the question is coming and, this time, I’ve constructed some verbal defense mechanisms. Here are some ways to answer your relatives’ inevitable curiosity/false concern as well as some ways to dodge any follow up questions.

1. “How’s school?” “I got kicked out and it’s a really sensitive subject; thanks for bringing it up.”

2. “How’s school?” “Didn’t you get the letter I sent you? I detailed all about how school is in that letter. Ask me again if you still have questions after reading my letter.”

3. “How’s school?” “I’m sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.”

4. “How’s school?” “Well, I’ve been in school since I was about 5. Pretty curious that you waited 15 years to ask me that, isn’t it?”

5. “How’s school?” “Oh my god, did you ju– did the turkey just move? Did you see that? I swear to god, that turkey just flapped a wing. I’m going to go take a closer look!”

6. “How’s school?” (Quickly stuff multiple corn bread muffins in your mouth and shrug).

7. “How’s school?” “Good, thanks.”

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I am so not morally above being judgmental. If I was, I would have had no excuse to openly mock the fans that came about after the release of Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” series. No, I didn’t know who this Edward guy was, but I had no reservations when it came to labeling the college aged Edward Cullen obsessers as a pack of idiots.

Now, I didn’t read the books because I didn’t want anyone to confuse me for one of these girls when they saw me wielding a Ms. Meyer novel around campus. And because I’m not 14. And because I’m lazy. And because it’s a hell of a lot easier to wait for the movie. A couple weeks after the first movie came out, I secretly watched it. Seeing it armed me with enough ammo to keep up the mocking until “New Moon,” which, as I’m SURE you’re aware, comes out this week. The first movie was fabulous…for making fun of. I mean, REALLY. The vampire baseball game? The sparkle skin? The painfully awkward scenes of silent eye contact? The high speed piggy-back ride? Someone on set HAD to have been laughing, or at least battling a smirk.

Far too many 20-somethings are lining up for the “New Moon” midnight show. It’s a preteen tale, plain and simple. Did I mention the glittery skin thing yet? This is like My Little Pony stuff.

But to be truly honest, I didn’t hate the first flick. I hate myself for that. I can easily see it’s faults, but I have a hard time completely despising it. Much like a sappy pop ballad or those anti-animal abuse commercials, all it takes is a corny, sentimental premise and, BAM, you got yourself an audience of tearful young women (not to underline the stereotype of overly emotional females; I feel I can speak for women being that I am one).

I don’t care if Edward was a donkey-armadillo hybrid with a squirrel tail, given the storyline, the ladies are going to fall for him. I’m not exempt; I’m by no means immune to a love tale.

No, I’m not going to adorn my facebook statuses with a countdown to “New Moon,” <3s, and lines about how I long to be Mrs. Cullen (there is still no excusing that). I’m healthily aware that I, like many, have a small weakness for love stories. But with all that being said, it’s safe to say that I’ll probably end up with a ticket to “New Moon.”

See you there.

My roommate Al may have possibly discovered the single most helpful homework catalyst we’ll ever know. It is not a work ethic, nor is it a secret study locale, but a song. Specifically, “The Final Countdown.”
Now we don’t know why this is the magic work song, but ever since it was discovered Al’s used it every time as a fail safe to finish a paper with an hour to due date. But how did she stumble across this jewel of knowledge you may ask? Much like many discoveries that change the world, it was an accident. She is a big fan of playing music while doing homework and realized she’s more productive while this song has reached the almost blasphemous stage of a homework Messiah. She has played it on loop for a solid half an hour as a fight song of finishing homework. As of now, she has played it a total of 59 times (the length is 5 minutes and 9 seconds). That’s ~304 hours of sweet sweet countdown.

Now it may seem trivial or maybe not even that funny. But now treating “The Final Countdown” as the sound track to accompany the last stand against homework I dare you not to feel productive. Or that by attempting conversation you would risk having your head ripped off by a jittery overcaffeinated perfectionist. Though in reality, who isn’t amidst that techno beat?

Sharing your sleeping space with strangers is one thing, especially when those strangers like to heat up curried Indian food at 3 a.m. and incessantly hum Paramore painfully off key through the night (I mean, REALLY. I thought you were a Music major?!). But sharing your showering space? Forget disgusting; the thought itself is legitimately gag-worthy. I may or may not have just regurgitated in my mouth a little.

Believe me when I tell you that it is not hard to die from the horrible things you’re forcefully exposed to in a communal bathroom. Lucky for you, I’m great at not contracting diseases that swim around in public shower stalls. And even luckier for you, I’m willing to share my survival tips. Take my advice and you might not die from a communal bathroom (I offer no guarantees).

1. Wear shower shoes. These are vital in not dying. Your standard Old Navy flip-flops will do, although the green ones are especially effective in preventing infection. Ditching the sandals is essentially a death wish; your bare feet will actually be able to feel the H1N1 creeping under your toenails. Not a fun event.

2. Don’t let anything touch the ground. A communal bathroom floor gets mopped in vomit several times every weekend; do you really want to risk trusting the 5 second rule on your toothbrush under these circumstances? No is generally the acceptable answer to this.

3. Use your foot to flush the toilet. Hopefully this is not a foreign concept. There’s really not much more I wish to elaborate on for this one. Just please don’t use your fingers to jiggle the handle. Your leprosy-free palms will thank you later.

4. Make it snappy. In and out; this is not the place to discuss with the girls down the hall which boys from philosophy class you’d prefer getting with this weekend. The more time spent in the shared restroom, the more time airborne viruses have to manifest themselves in your orifices.

5. Avoid them at all costs. Communal bathrooms should only be used for their intended purposes and only in extreme emergencies. Hair and makeup can easily be taken care of in your room. When you do need to use a toilet/shower, the public restroom should be a last resort. A good example: if you have to pee before you go out to dinner, hold it until the restaurant. Chances are good that the facilities there have a much lower death rate.

6. For the over achiever: Don’t use them at all. Making your own makeshift dorm room toilet is a great way to avoid contracting the bacterial infections populating communal washrooms. This alternative is far more sanitary than public bathroom stalls. Skipping showering altogether will also keep you cleaner than any community shower stall ever could. Just compare my roommate and I; you’ll smell the difference.

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/6_Ways_To_Survive_a_Communal_Bathroom_in_College]

College costs over $100,000 in many cases–and sometimes final college costs hover near the $200,000 mark. So, most people apply for financial aid via FAFSA and/or the CSS Profile. Anyone who has gone through this process will tell you it’s frustrating, and some will tell you it’s not fair. Kiplinger’s had an article about “11 Student-Aid Traps to Avoid.” If you’ve never filled one of these babies out, then this article is a must-read. You shouldn’t LIE, per se, on your financial aid apps, but be aware that your answers will affect the aid decision. And your financial aid decision will affect you for potentially the next 20 years… Just sayin’.

One thing you should know is that you might feel screwed if you’re a member of the middle class. You’ll get over it after the 5 stages of grief have passed. What will frustrate many of you is that you’re considered a dependent of your parents until you’re 24.

Let’s take a look at a hypothetical example of how this can make you resentful for the first few years of your adult life. Let’s say that your parents make $200,000+ per year, own all sorts of real estate, and–for all intents and purposes–are shoveling money. You still apply for financial aid because you’re trying to be a good son, and you don’t get a dime of aid in the process. You still work throughout college, because you feel bad about your rich parents paying $50,000 per year for college. Then after 4 years you decide you no longer want to go to medical school and you completely change majors, because you realize you have a passion for Psychology (Read: saving lives, helping others, etc.). Mom and Dad get pissed off, say they won’t “waste” any money on a Psychology degree, and you’re stuck footing the bill for the last year of school, which is still $50,000, because you’re a dependent according to the Department of Education. Yup yup, I would HATE to be in that person’s shoes. Wait a sec… oh crap. Time to go pawn my watch so I can pay for the first 15 minutes of Psych 345 next quarter.

Confirming everything that we already know here at RealCollegeTour.com, The Beast interviewed college admissions counselors from across the country and the reporter found that there are various tips and tricks to increasing your chances of getting in. Not only that, but admissions officers are very arbitrary when making decision:

While you’re anxiously mailing off those college applications this week, you might want to recalibrate your expectations based on your race, your wealth, and whether the NFL team in the city where that college is located is on a losing streak. The shadowy world of college admissions has left millions of confused and frustrated rejects in its wake.

Not only are admissions people arbitrary in their decision processes, they also can be major douchebags:

One night, I got food poisoning at a restaurant in Buffalo. The next day, I rejected all the Buffalo applications.

This article is a great read, and you should read the entire thing. All of our college reviews have a special section devoted solely to Admissions at that particular school. We’ll give you tips from students that got in, and trust us, they know things you DON’T. There are all sorts of tips and tricks on admissions that we estimate our guides will increase your chances of getting in by about 50%.

Choosing the right school for your undergraduate education is the first important decision of a person’s life. For some it’s an easy decision—they’ll just go to the same school as their parents or older sibling. For others, it’s a decision that requires countless hours of pensive reflection. This list is by no means complete, but the importance of this advice ranks up there with The Ten Commandments:

1. Don’t go somewhere because your best friend is going there. I really hate to burst your bubble, but 99% of the friendships you made in high school won’t exist by the time you graduate from college.
2. Big school or small school? There will be more things to do at a large school, and there are definitely more possibilities for networking; however, many small schools boast very tight-knit communities. Decide early on if you’re more of a “big school” person or a “small school” person.
3. You don’t have to know what you want to do with your life before you apply, but it definitely helps to have an idea. Many schools are renowned in certain fields of study. Some schools offer very specific programs you can’t find anywhere else. You’ll be ahead of the curve if you know what career you want to get into. The earlier you have a plan, the more you can tailor your education to tie in with your future.
4. Don’t get too excited about leaving your parents. Before you know it, you’ll be eager to go back home to visit them. You’re not going to be independent from them until you start making your own money. Know this.
5. Don’t go to a school just because you want to party. If your main interest in college is having a good time, then you need to sit back and re-evaluate your priorities. If you spend four years partying and not focused on school, you won’t get a good job after college. You’ll be passed up for people who partied a little less and studied a lot more.
6. Choose a school that feels right to you. Don’t let anyone else tell you what school will be good for you—not your parents, not your friends, and not your guidance counselor. After you visit a few schools, you’ll get an idea of what you want out of a school. Each school has its own personality that’s created by the people there.
7. Get to know some people from the schools that interest you. If you can, spend a few days or nights at a school to feel it out. The students make the school what it is, and if you feel like you fit in, then the school is a good match.