There was a time I wanted to be an astronaut, a doctor, or the next Ron Jeremy. Over the years my aspirations have become even loftier. Now my ultimate goal in life is to make it to the front page of Digg. There’s nothing that would please me more than for the “Digg Effect” to overload my servers and lead to a 404 Error. Non-diggers will never understand, but real, bleeding heart diggers around the world know exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s a list of 5 things I’ve acquired on my journey to Digg Enlightenment:

1. I have a love/hate relationship with Power Users. We all know who they are (i.e. MrBabyMan, msaleem,badwithcomputer, anderzole, mklopez, and most recently Oatmeal). Each of them has the godlike power to make even the following title hit the front page: “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.” Deep down inside I secretly want to be one of them for a day, though. I want one of my submissions to have 300 comments, where 30% are remotely relevant, 20% are trolls, 20% are ASCII images, 10% are political vitriol, 10% are proclamations of atheism or agnosticism, and the other 10% are from the the grammar brigade.

2. I use Digg more often than I use Google. Whenever I’m bored, it’s just so easy to type “digg.com” into my Firefox or Google Chrome (but never IE) address bar.

3. Digg makes me feel like I’m part of a special club. I laugh extra hard when someone references a week-old post, because I remember it exactly. Why? Because Digg runs through my veins. Bitch.

4. I check Digg before I check my email. Ok, that’s a lie. But I check Digg right after I check my mail and before I eat breakfast or take my medicine. That’s devotion.

5. If Kevin Rose gave me Kool-Aid, I would drink it.